You are viewing [info]iano_burger's journal

30 October 2011 @ 04:29 pm
It is also never fifty-fifty in a relationship. When one gives less, the balance is tilted and the other tries to hold it altogether. Until one day the one who’s been trying gives up trying, and it all crumbles down. And the one who gives less gets rudely awakened.

The story started out so beautifully. A restless, searching soul found solace in the arms of a caring, concerned friend. The initiation, the discoveries of likes and dislikes, and the getting used to. The phone calls, the hangout places and the customary routines. The days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years.

Then somewhere along the way someone forgets to sms ‘thank you’. Someone assumed it was alright. Someone kept it in and decided not to ‘talk things out’.

The once almost synonymous individuals begin to grow apart. One begins to wander, the other tries to keep up. One becomes complacent, the other tries to get attention. One stops giving, the other had to give in more to cover up for the lack.

Another cold shoulder. Another chance. Then, the last straw.

The pursuer stops pursuing, and it’s funny how it took so long before the other realized that there was no one following anymore. That’s because the pursued seldom looked back, and when he did, the pursuer was no longer there.

You can’t blame the pursuer, can you?

It is never fifty-fifty in a relationship. But when the scale is tipped to one end one time too many, one time too long, the pieces fall off the scale and break apart.

I wish this was a fiction story.
 
 
24 September 2011 @ 02:40 pm
I thought I was going to sneak away tonight. What a glorious night.
Every face I see is a memory. It may not be a perfectly perfect memory.
Sometimes we had our ups and downs. But we're all together, and you're
mine for a night. And I'm going to break precedent and tell you my one
candle wish: that you would have a life as lucky as mine, where you can
wake up one morning and say, "I don't want anything more." Sixty-five
years. Don't they go by in a blink?

- William Parrish, Meet Joe Black.
 
 
19 September 2011 @ 12:13 pm
I plagiarise from mr smilesconcealschemes.

I read that a person has 3 deaths.


The first is when your heart and brain stops. Your body ceases to function and all that is warm turns soon cold and hard. Then begins to melt away. Your physical existence ends, the space you occupy on earth fades.


The second is when your body is consigned to the ground, in a coffin, or an ash urn. Loved ones accept you gone, and similarly consign you to the corners of their hearts and minds set aside for the dearly departed.


The last death we did is when our names are spoken for the last time, somewhere in the future. Perhaps a casual mention, an absent-minded recollection, an anecdote, but sooner or later, the day will come when henceforth, your name will not be spoken again.

Then, the memory of your existence, in the minds of the living will be forever lost, and you will be truly dead.
 
 
21 August 2011 @ 03:34 pm
3:33  
Perhaps the things that always nearly kills us are most likely self-induced. Perhaps we
allowed these issues to permeate our being so deep that the invasion causes civil riot to take
place in our mind and heart. This forces us into a spiral of confusion leaving the body helpless
in the abyss of our misery. This while being caught in the epicentre of the series of pulls and
pushes of life. However, for this instance, being in the middle is not balance but a gruesome
mutilation of the soul.
 
 


I find this political commentary by Catherine Lim really interesting however
I still think that there is a fair share of Singaporeans who wants an independent
EP that has a well balanced approach to being the 'check and balance' and one
that unites the country by being both a voice for the people and the government.





Seventeen years ago, the then Prime Minister of Singapore, Mr Goh
Chok Tong, sternly warned government critics about what they could and
could not criticize, using the golfing term ‘out-of-bounds markers’
which has since then become part of the political lexicon.


But in the General Election of 2011 (GE 2011), a newly emboldened,
energized and subsequently triumphant electorate went all the way of
criticism, sparing no personage in the People’s Action Party (PAP)
leadership, no matter how long feared, nor any PAP policy, no matter how
well established. Thus they removed, in one fell stroke, all the hated
markers, clearing the way for even the most outspoken critic in the
future.


Now, just some months later, they clearly want to do the same for the
President of Singapore. For he too is hampered by out-of-bounds
markers, the special constraints imposed on him by the constitution
which forbids him to say or do anything that might be construed as
disapproval of government policy. By challenging these markers and
removing them, they want him to be an independent voice of the people,
that dares raise itself, whenever necessary, on their behalf. Judging by
their fervid, boundless activity in the Internet in the run-up to the
presidential election, it is clear that they want to continue to use the
same powerful instrument to achieve their purpose. If they succeed,
they will in effect change forever the role of the Elected President
(EP) and secure another people’s victory this year, surely one of the
most remarkable years in Singapore’s electoral history.


But this time, the challenge is very much complicated by a powerful
counter-challenge by the government, in the form of that most sacrosanct
instrument of the social compact—the constitution. The constitution
clearly spells out the role of the EP in its nature and scope: it is
custodial, not executive; it is in harmony with, not against, the
decisions of the government; in tone, it is dignified, in bearing
stately, not cantankerous and demeaning of its high office. To refute
the claims and promises of independence made by certain presidential
hopefuls, PAP ministers have painstakingly drawn attention to these
strictures in the constitution.


But the vociferous anti-PAP camp, still flush with the success of GE
2011, has little patience for the legalisms and punctilio of a
constitution, as can be seen in the vigorous, unbridled exchanges among
netizens bent on bringing out into the open allegedly past misdeeds of
those hopefuls who are perceived to be favoured by the government. The
prevailing attitude seems to be that since the constitution was created
more than 20 years ago by a self-serving government that provided it
with enough ambiguities to allow for an interpretation that will always
suit their purpose, it is no longer relevant. Indeed, it contradicts the
new spirit of openness, transparency and expanded powers for the
people, ushered in by the watershed GE 2011, that a humbled PAP
leadership has actually acknowledged and promised to promote.


Ironically, in the midst of the government’s deliberately conspicuous
efforts to establish a more amicable relationship with the people
(which some observers consider as needlessly effusive and overdone,
detracting from the image of strong, confident leadership ), the
estrangement persists in its most exacerbated form in the current EP
controversy.


In addition to the unbridgeable gap between the diametrically opposed
perceptions of a purely custodial role, on the one hand, and an
actively adversarial one on the other, there are the following equally
irreconcilable divergencies:
where the government insists that the EP has veto power in only the five
areas specified by the constitution, which include the protection of
past reserves and the appointment of key personnel, the critics clearly
want the EP to have a say in a whole array of other issues, especially
those that had been their greatest concerns in GE 2011, namely, the
ministerial salaries, the employment of foreign workers and unaffordable
housing—and, presumably, any issue which affects the lives of
Singaporeans.
Where the government emphasizes dignity, gravitas and acumen as the most
important qualities for the EP, the people want to see fearlessness,
courage and readiness to stand up to a powerful government.
Where the government wants the presidential voice, if it needs to be
critical, to be so only in quiet, private consultation with the Prime
Minister, the people will be satisfied with no less than open and public
accounting.


In short, the differences are so vast that beyond the vague general
agreement that the president must uphold the integrity of the highest
office in the land, there is no common meeting ground. Every discussion
on the EP is hence an impasse from the start.


Indeed, so intense is the clamouring of the people for change, so
adamant is the government about preserving intact the constitutionality
of the presidential role and so riddled with anomalies is the
constitution itself when subjected to tests of real-life applications
(as was evident in a recent forum where the Law Minister bravely
answered questions put to him by academics and political analysts) that
the rancour is likely to continue well beyond the election on 27 August,
regardless of who gets elected.


The new president, no matter how he chooses to play out his role,
will be in the unenviable position of being continually scrutinized and
criticized in the light of his previous formal association, or absence
of it, with the PAP. If he had been a former stalwart in the PAP
administration, and had been publicly favoured by the government, he
will be seen as just one more in a line of perfectly acquiescent, cosily
harmonious presidents, exactly as the PAP had always intended and
desired. If he had been formerly a member of the PAP but had pointedly
distanced himself from it, whatever efforts he makes at asserting his
independence will be overshadowed by the past links, or even seen as the
sheer futility of trying to shake off an unshakeable, deeply entrenched
PAP mentality. If he had never been a PAP member, the expectations of
him will be so unrealistically high that whatever evidence of
independence he displays will elicit disappointment as being not enough.
And since the presidential salary is tied to ministerial salaries, any
angry response to the outcome of the review currently being undertaken,
will not spare him.


In the new political climate after GE 2011, the greatest loser might
just be the EP, because he will have to bear the brunt of the anomalies,
confusions and conflicts of a society that has been suddenly and
unexpectedly thrust into the flux of transition. He will be stuck in an
impossible situation, for the out-of-bounds markers set out in the
constitution will strait-jacket him, making a mockery of his popular
mandate and the will of the people who had directly elected him. He has
continually to maintain the difficult balance between the need, on the
one hand, to present the magisterial bearing and calm composure and
detachment expected of a president, and, on the other, to project an
image of empathy and affinity with the man-in-the-street, all the time
aware that he is being watched and judged, and that the savage
criticisms and relentless exposure of his private life, that he had
endured during the run-up to the election, will by no means end with the
high office he now holds. Rightly or wrongly, he will be linked with a
government that has fallen so far in the people’s regard that close
association with them is seen as something of a taint. With the
traditional protective mantle of his office stripped away, he will be at
the mercy of netizens who themselves enjoy the protective anonymity of
the Internet.


The experience of the presidential election of 2011 could well be the
most bruising, divisive and ugliest election in Singapore’s history. It
may be necessary when a system ends up with nobody being a winner, and
everybody having a bad taste in the mouth, to take another look at it,
and subject it to an honest review.




Check out her blog at Catherinelim.sg








 
 
18 August 2011 @ 11:46 pm
In relationships, I don’t want to shoddily repair what I lack as a person by patching it up with someone who makes me feel outwardly complete. I want to find someone who has fought for balance in their life, someone who is seeking the higher values of personal androgyny, who has understood the civil war that rages inside our body and who continually seeks resolve. The best relationships are not built on dependence, but on two developed psychologies, which perpetually struggle to be whole independently of each other.

-Thoughtcatalog.com


I guess I'm in a season in which my head wants to do something my heart can't.
And it's bloody frustrating.
 
 
"Life and How to Survive It:

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.

You've probably been told the big lie that "Learning is a lifelong process" and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they're wrong.

The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.

I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are "making a living". No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy."
 
 
15 May 2011 @ 12:02 pm
for Harry & Goh thanks for the memories happy retiring with our money...

Two of us riding nowhere
Spending someone's
Hard earned pay
You and me Sunday driving
Not arriving
On our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home